Who Does Better Aging Alone? | Psychology Today

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Bella DePaulo Ph.D.

Posted July 1, 2022 | Reviewed by Tyler Woods

Old people who live alone are often targets of concern and even pity. The worry is that they are isolated, without anyone to confide in, and probably depressed. That’s the stereotype. But is it true?

To find out, the Dutch social scientist Maja Djundeva and her colleagues analyzed data from more than 53,000 people older than 50 from 16 European nations. Rather than just assuming that the people who lived alone did not have any confidants, they asked them to name the people with whom they had discussed important things over the past 12 months. They reported their findings in “Is living alone “aging alone”? Solitary living, network types, and well-being,” published in the Journals of Gerontology: Social Sciences.

For each of their confidants, the participants indicated their relationship with the person, whether they were in daily contact with the person, and whether they lived nearby (within about three miles). They also indicated how satisfied they were with their relationship with each of their confidants. The answers to that question were averaged across all confidants to create a measure of their overall satisfaction with their social network. The participants also reported on their own health, including any functional limitations, their satisfaction with their life, and their mental well-being.

4 Types of Social Networks for Older People Living Alone

The social scientists identified four types of social networks for older people who lived alone:

Restricted Networks: 34%

Older people with restricted networks had relatively few kin and non-kin in their networks. They did not see their social network members very often, and few of them lived nearby.

Child-oriented Networks: 29%

Older people with child-oriented networks relied mostly on children for social connection. Their social networks were typically small and included few people who lived nearby. In general, they did not have much contact with their social network members.

Friend-oriented Networks: 22%

As the name implies, older people with friend-oriented social networks were especially likely to have friends in their networks. They were less likely than the people with diverse networks to have kin in their networks, to have a large network, or daily contact with network members.

Diverse Networks: 14%

Diverse networks were typically large networks that included kin and non-kin. The older people in these networks often had daily contact with their social network members, and a considerable number of their confidants lived nearby.

Social Networks in Different Regions of Europe

Hungary had the highest proportion of older people living alone with diverse social networks (more than 20 percent), but otherwise, there was not much variability across the other 15 nations. Most had close to the average of 14 percent.

Friend-based networks were most likely to be found in Western and Northern European countries, with rates of about 30 percent (rather than the average of 22 percent) in nations such as Switzerland, Belgium, Denmark, and Sweden.

In Eastern European nations such as Hungary, the Czech Republic, and Poland, older people living alone were especially likely to have child-based networks. The rates in those nations were greater than 40 percent, as compared to the average across nations of 29 percent. Also, averaged across all 16 nations, older people living alone were more likely to have a child-based social network if they lived in rural areas.

Older people living alone in Eastern and Southern European countries were more likely to have restricted social networks than those in Northern and Western European countries. For example, Slovenia and Italy (countries that share a border) have the highest rates of restricted networks among older people living alone, at more than half (51 percent) for Slovenia and more than 40 percent for Italy, compared to the average of 34 percent across all 16 nations.

Health and Education Levels of Older People with Different Social Networks

Older people living alone who had friend-oriented networks or diverse social networks were especially likely to have good health, relative to those with restricted networks. The older people with friend-oriented networks also stood out for their low likelihood of having functional limitations, and their greater likelihood of being highly educated. Those who had child-based networks were no more or less healthy than those with restricted networks. They were less likely to be highly educated, however.

Living Alone vs. Living with Others: Who Is More Satisfied with Their Lives and Their Social Networks?

Older people living alone who had diverse social networks were more satisfied with their social networks, and more satisfied with their lives, than older people who were living with others. They were no more or less depressed than older people living with others.

Older people living alone who had friend-based networks were just as satisfied with their networks and no more or less likely to be depressed than older people living with others. They were, however, less satisfied with their lives.

Older people living alone who had child-based networks were more satisfied with their social networks than older people living with others. They were less satisfied with their lives but no more or less likely to be depressed than those who lived with others.

Older people living alone who had restricted networks were less satisfied with their social networks, less satisfied with their lives, and more depressed than older people living with others.

Lifelong Single People and Previously Married People

There is evidence from nations not included in this study, Australia and the U.S., that in later life, lifelong single people may do particularly well. In the U.S., a study of 530 people 65 and older found that lifelong single people (never married) did better than previously married people in that they had more active social lives, they had people who would help them if they needed help, they had the intimacy they wanted, and they were more optimistic about the future. The lifelong single people who were Black, especially the women, did particularly well. In an Australian study that included only women in their seventies, the lifelong single women with no children did as well or even better than the married or previously married women, with or without children, in just about every way.

In the current study of 16 European nations, older people living alone who had always been single (never married) were more likely than the previously married (either divorced or widowed) to have restricted networks. People living alone who had restricted networks were typically faring worse than the other people living alone; they were less satisfied with their social networks and their lives and more likely to be depressed. And yet, when the researchers looked directly at the links between marital status and well-being, they found that marital status did not matter much. Apparently, the lifelong single people were not doing worse than the divorced or widowed people, despite being more likely to have restricted social networks.

What matters more than marital status is having people with whom you can discuss important things. Although lifelong single people are more likely to have restricted social networks (meaning they are likely to have few confidants), some of them have diverse, or friend-based, or child-based networks. Those single people do have confidants. Even the single people with restricted networks may have one or a few confidants, rather than none, and that may be enough to protect them from the risks of having a restricted network.

Perhaps also relevant is the fact that the older people with restricted social networks were more likely to be men than women. When there is a difference between men and women in how they fare as single people, often it is the women who do better.

The Key Questions Not Asked in This Study, and Rarely Asked in Any Study of People Who Live Alone

The 53,000 older people in this study were asked whether they lived alone, but not whether they wanted to or not. They were asked to name the people with whom they discussed important things, but they were never asked whether they wish they had more, or even fewer, such people in their lives.

Living alone is a wholly different experience for people who love having a place of their own and hope to be able to continue living alone for as long as they live, than it is for people who find solo living distressing. Similarly, some people may find it ideal to have just one confidant, or maybe even none, than to have many. As I try to remember to say whenever I describe the results of a study, findings are always based on averages; that means there are always exceptions. Even though people with restricted social networks are, on average, not doing as well as people with other kinds of social networks, some people with restricted social networks are doing just fine, and some people with diverse, friend-based, or child-based networks are not doing well at all.

Bottom Line

The older people living alone who were especially likely to be at risk were those with restricted social networks. But only about one-third of the people living alone had restricted networks. Older people living alone who had diverse social networks were more satisfied with their networks and more satisfied with their lives than the older people who were living with others. The people living alone with child-based networks were also more satisfied with their networks (though not with their lives) than their peers who were living with others.

About the Author

Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., an expert on single people, is the author of Singled Out and other books. She is an Academic Affiliate in Psychological & Brain Sciences, UCSB.

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There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may shortchange the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.

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